Catholics
GC Warns First American Pope to Move Super Bowl Sunday to Saturday so Adventists Can’t Watch
The General Conference has warned that Pope Leo XIV, the first American pope, is allegedly plotting to shift Super Bowl Sunday to Saturday as a direct attack on Sabbath-keeping...
Catholics
Survey: Most Adventists Don’t Actually Know What They Believe (But They’re Sure Everyone Else is Wrong)
A recent survey conducted among Adventists has revealed a surprising trend: many members of the faith aren't entirely sure about what they believe. Despite...
Catholics
Grumpy Deacon Labels Everyone He Dislikes a Jesuit
Immaculata Springs, Md. — Known for his knack for criticism and a perpetually disapproving countenance, Bartholomew Scornwell, head deacon of Guiltius Way Adventist Church,...
Adventist Culture
Vatican Charging Adventists $666 For Tourist Visa
Vatican City --- Adventists hoping to visit the Vatican are being charged a new "Theological Reciprocity Visa" fee costing $666.
The fee allows Adventists free...
Catholics
Awkward Silence As Vatican Way Adventist Church Collects $666 In Offering
HOLY SMOKES, Tenn. --- Silence fell over the accounting team at Vatican Way SDA Church this Sabbath morning as the team completed the counting...
Catholics
Adventist Risk Management Bankrupt After Notre Dame Submits Fire Damage Claim
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- Adventist Risk Management has filed for bankruptcy after what it called an "apocalyptically-devastating insurance claim" filed by the Notre Dame...
Catholics
Vatican to canonize Ellen White
VATICAN, Rome --- Vatican officials have revealed plans to canonize Ellen G. White, the prolific writer and co-founder of the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
The surprising...
Catholics
GC asks Adventists to stop drinking Roma as it sounds “too Catholic”
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists is asking members to stop drinking the coffee substitute Roma as the products name...
Catholics
Pope sends Doug Batchelor a Christmas card saying “all is forgiven”
ROSEVILE, Calif. --- An unexpected Christmas card from Pope Francis was delivered to veteran Adventist evangelist Doug Batchelor today. After wishing Batchelor a Merry...
Catholics
Pope visits General Conference to congratulate leaders on keeping ordination male-only
SILVER SPRING, Md. --- On the morning of the first full day of his visit to the United States, Pope Francis paid a surprising...
Catholics
Pope invites Doug Batchelor for peace talks
VATICAN --- In an intriguing move by the Vatican, Pope Francis has invited veteran Adventist evangelist and staunch papal critic Doug Batchelor to Rome...