Survey: Most Adventists Don’t Actually Know What They Believe (But They’re Sure Everyone Else is Wrong)

A recent survey conducted among Adventists has revealed a surprising trend: many members of the faith aren’t entirely sure about what they believe. Despite this uncertainty, they remain steadfastly Read more […]

Vatican Charging Adventists $666 For Tourist Visa

Vatican City — Adventists hoping to visit the Vatican are being charged a new “Theological Reciprocity Visa” fee costing $666. The fee allows Adventists free access to the historical sights Read more […]

Awkward Silence As Vatican Way Adventist Church Collects $666 In Offering

HOLY SMOKES, Tenn. — Silence fell over the accounting team at Vatican Way SDA Church this Sabbath morning as the team completed the counting of divine service offering which came out to $666 Read more […]

Adventist Risk Management Bankrupt After Notre Dame Submits Fire Damage Claim

SILVER SPRING, Md. —  Adventist Risk Management has filed for bankruptcy after what it called an “apocalyptically-devastating insurance claim” filed by the Notre Dame cathedral this week. ARM Read more […]

GC asks Adventists to stop drinking Roma as it sounds “too Catholic”

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists is asking members to stop drinking the coffee substitute Roma as the products name “sounds too Catholic.” Tray Poastuhm, Read more […]

Pope sends Doug Batchelor a Christmas card saying “all is forgiven”

ROSEVILE, Calif. — An unexpected Christmas card from Pope Francis was delivered to veteran Adventist evangelist Doug Batchelor today. After wishing Batchelor a Merry Christmas, the Pope added Read more […]

Pope visits General Conference to congratulate leaders on keeping ordination male-only

SILVER SPRING, Md. — On the morning of the first full day of his visit to the United States, Pope Francis paid a surprising visit to the General Conference headquarters of the Seventh-day Adventist Read more […]

Pope invites Doug Batchelor for peace talks

VATICAN — In an intriguing move by the Vatican, Pope Francis has invited veteran Adventist evangelist and staunch papal critic Doug Batchelor to Rome for peace talks. The invitation comes Read more […]