Adventist sermon rating app promises to weed out bad preachers

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Collegedale, Tenn. — A new app called BLAH-BLAH allows Adventists to rate their preachers.

Creators of the app are hoping to weed out bad preachers from Adventist churches.

In a promotional video, BLAH-BLAH’s Adventist inventors testified to going through considerable personal pain as a result of “long-winded, disorganized and rambling preachers who seem to love nothing more than the sound of their own voice.”

The trauma forced them to find a way to bring bad Adventist preachers “out of the shadows and into the light where the problem can better be addressed.”

The app will allow Adventists to rate any pastor’s preaching abilities on a scale of 1 (awful bordering on sinful) to 7 (perfect).

Part of the beauty of BLAH-BLAH is its real-time capabilities. Users can send personalized messages to friends and loved ones seated elsewhere in the sanctuary encouraging them to fight the good fight against sleep if a pastor is particularly bad.

Also, if more than half of a congregation rates a pastor’s preaching as being poor on any given Sabbath, late-comers can be warned en route to pick a different church for that week.

If a pastor’s preaching is rated poorly on a consistent basis, an automatic recommendation is sent to the conference suggesting more appropriate duties for the pastor.

“More often than not, bad Adventist preachers have simply missed their calling to conference accounting jobs,” said BLAH-BLAH’s creators.

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  1. Julio Iglesias IV

    The church should require all preachers to have a background in Hollywood acting, or at least Broadway musicals and Shakespearean theatrical drama. Those who do not have such a background, or are not willing and able to have it, need not apply to the ministry.

  2. Larry

    There are so many really lousy speaking preachers, the Holy leaders of the church will have to just give up and start ordaining women. If they don’t there will be just two good male speakers left in the whole church. And one of those two is not even employed by the church. They are Herb Montgomery (independent) and Randy Roberts.

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