LOMA LINDA, Calif. — In a bid to convince voters they are healthy enough to win the presidency, both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have signed up for personalized CHIP (Complete Health Improvement Program) coaching at Loma Linda University.
In a predictably competitive move, the candidates hired rival CHIP coaches on separate pilgrimmages to Loma Linda.
Clinton, battling pneumonia, hired CHIP super coach and Adventist celebrity centenarian Edith “Blue-Zone” Greenley.
Donald Trump quickly followed by snapping up Greenely’s coaching nemesis, Joe Plumber, a devout CHIP follower since shortly after the 2008 presidential election.
Analysts are divided as to whether either candidate will benefit from CHIP coaching. The program advocates largely vegetarian eating, forgiving your enemies and eliminating negativity from your life.
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Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted.
I RESENT THIS ALLEGATION, EXCUSE ME…. COUGH! COUGH! COUGH!
NO I DONT NEED A DOCTOR OR THE ER, TAKE ME TO CHELSEA’S…. AND GET ME A CIGARETTE.
You go, Hillary baby- You can pass out in NYC or Loma Linda. It’s all the same. Try some of Bill’s vegetarian foods to give you stamina. Don’t forget to gobble down a few Little Debbies while you are at it. They have a soothing effect on the upper GI. I know!! Woe iz me!!