CONFIRMED: Adventists Born With Two Left Feet

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

Please don’t
Adventist World: A recently released study by an interdiscipinary team of Loma Linda University faculty has confirmed what many have long suspected: Adventists are born with two left feet.

The team that surveyed church members worldwide found that Adventists were “cursed with absolutely no sense of rhythm, and display a complete inability to pick up even the simplest of square dance steps no matter how many times they are demonstrated.”

The researchers found that when forced to move to music, Adventists looked more ridiculous the longer their family had been church members. “People that are third generation Adventists or worse are absolute lost causes,” said lead researcher Joe Nopuedo.

The study found that the only Adventists that could dance were adult converts to the faith. Even with this subsection of the membership, however, lack of practice meant that any remaining dance skills were disappearing faster than Special K Loaf at church potluck.


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.


(Visited 447 times, 1 visits today)


  1. Craig J Wanta

    Not completely true… I was “born and raised” catholic and converted to Adventism and was born with two left feet! You think my dance instructor said “Left foot, left foot, left foot…

  2. Richer rich

    When we had the famous marches at AUC, it was always..”left”….left.”..left. True,we SDA,s do have left feet. I even eat my Little Debbie’s tapping my left feet.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *