Emotional GC vote confirms horse and buggy as only Adventist transport

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Oh how far we haven't come...
Oh how far we haven’t come…
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — After decades of earnest study and impassioned debate on the issue, Adventists voted overwhelmingly today to uphold the church’s stance on the horse and buggy as the sole form of Adventist transportation.

Today’s vote came at the end of a long day of floor debate as General Conference San Antonio delegates took turns speaking for or against the suggestion that modern technological progress had made available other forms of transportation that could, on a case-by-case basis, enhance the effectiveness of church work and mission.

Valiantly chaired by GC Vice President Paciencia de Job, today’s discussions took place in front of tens of thousands of Adventists gathered in the Alamodome. “Please refrain from clapping,” Paciencia urged repeatedly, trying to control the crowd as delegates outdid themselves sprinting up to multiple mics with points of order and last-minute-campaigning-garbed-as-dispassionate-observation.

Whenever discussion got too heated, Job wisely broke the tension by calling for prayer or organ music breaks. Given the huge crowd, he even joked about taking up an offering in a moment of rare levity during the intense church business proceedings.

In the end, despite energetic campaigning of “YES vote” fans arguing the merits of expanding Adventist modes of transportation, car fans were no match for a rock solid “NO vote” horse and buggy lobby that carried the vote 1381 to 977.

“I’m a committed but pretty disappointed Adventist today,” said Joven Solitario, one of the few delegates under 30. “I’m all for unity but limiting ourselves to horse and buggy means a bumpy ride ahead.”

The vote...
The vote…
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  1. APlusDave

    Can’t be. I think the official transportation must be a pick-up. Back in horse and buggy days we had a woman leading our church. Now that just can’t be right…can it?

  2. ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍The vote did not pass on July 8, but it came pretty close. About 41 percent of the delegates voted Yes. The significance of the No vote is that the status quote remains in place. The status quo / current policy is that women are “commissioned” as clergy (over 3,500 female pastors serve local churches already). If the vote had passed, the Divisions (the 13 top-level regional offices) would have received the authority to decide whether to call them “ordained.” As it is, these women will continue to be “commissioned” to the ministry.
    ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍The Unions (mid-level regional administrative offices) will still have the authority to decide to ordain these women pastors. Six unions have already chosen to ordain them, including the Pacific Union and the Columbia Union. It is important to understand that the Adventist Church already had, and will continue to have, female clergy. Most will still be called “commissioned” but I believe some will also be called “ordained” as more unions choose to take that route. http://EqualOrdination.com/actual-significance/

    1. Ray Kraft

      Picky! Picky!

      All this noise and commotion over what really comes down to a matter of spelling, should we spell what woman can be “commisioned?” or should we spell it “ordained?”

      If there is no substantive difference, why are we spending decades and generations quibbling over semantics?

      Isn’t this way too much ado about nothing?

      This is like telling gay people “you can say you have a ‘civil union,’ but you can’t call it ‘married.'”

      Refusing to let women be called “ordained” or same-sex unions be called “married” is just a thinly veiled way of keeping them in their place, and not too uppity.

  3. This is too funny! And there’s a good point underlying the humor. . . .

    But for the unwary, see the disclaimer on this site’s “About” page: “BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog on Adventist culture and issues.”

    “Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report’ are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or events, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, irony, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”

  4. Denny

    A buggy should not be the option, just a horse or even a ship or walk on foot since this is the mode of transport Paul used. He is our main ‘go to’ man on how to treat females er how to travel so since he said a buggy should keep silent and wait till it gets home to ask the horse questions then a buggy has no place in transporting human beings especially the males. Give its too much authority over men. In face there is no mention of horses or buggys in the NT so everyone get off your butt and walk. How those delegates who took those scandalous things called planes will get home is their problem. They better repent real quick!

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