English Adventists wear sackloth and ashes after World Cup ouster

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

Tennis, anyone?
Tennis, anyone?
ENGLAND — Adventists across England have donned sackcloth and ashes after a devastating World Cup defeat by Croatia. Church members that had secretly been praying that England would feature in the final against France wearily acknowledged the error of their ways as a country of a mere four million denied the English team the opportunity. “I knew better than to pray for World Cup results,” said depressed Newbold Church deacon, Gavin Gutted, as he adjusted his sackcloth. He admitted to being less than excited about a World Cup final between England’s Croatian conquerors and the unbearable French. At press time Gutted could be heard vowing only to watch Wimbledon matches this weekend.

Advertise on BarelyAdventist


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.

Check out the Sonscreen Film Festival!

Share your Adventist faith & lifestyle through cool awesome t-shirts | SDAshirts.com


(Visited 1,049 times, 1 visits today)


  1. Judgemental English Adventist

    There is a theory doing the rounds in English Adventist social circles that England’s defeat is God’s punishment for the thousands of Adventists who muddied the Sabbath boundaries by watching the quarter final on Saturday afternoon.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *