SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists released an update of its list of official sins. The list, which featured such sins as “opening your eyes during prayer,” and “not saying ‘Happy Sabbath’ on Saturday,” now has a new one: “Going to potluck without contributing your own dish.”
GC Director of Freeloader Management Fribey Fyndur said that as the Adventist Church grows, a troubling trend of entitlement is spreading among membership.
“Some of our flock seem to think that just because you are Adventist you can go crazy piling your plate with veggie meat at potluck without ever bringing your own dish to share,” said Fyndur. “That’s not going to fly anymore.”
Although Fyndur said that past offenders would be shown grace because “they knew not the law,” he said the new edict would make future transgressions “big-time sins, on the same level as creeping up for potluck seconds before more patient church members have made it through line once.”
Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted.
For bad cooks, yeah…there are some out there…if you are such a person, don’t think you need not contribute. You can bring a can or two of olives or mix up a bowl of fresh fruit!
Not just a bowl of fruit. It has to be mixed. As I have often said, we should judge political candidates by the “fruit salad of their life.”
Chips, loaf of bread, canned veggies and a dish all require nill cooking skills.
Isn’t it ironic that the GC Director of Freeloader Management, “Fribey Fyndur,” would denounce freeloading when his name sounds like “Freebie Finder”? I hope he practices what he preaches.
Just bring Martinelli’s
This article illustrates why taking in refugees is wrong, they suck up resources and contribute NOTHING.
Usually the people who don’t bring a dish, are the kind of people you wouldn’t want to eat from anyway – e.g., the kind of people who don’t wash their dishes or don’t bathe. Did the G.C. consider that when writing this new law?
Gross. Good point. Maybe that’s why they call it “pot luck.” You’re lucky if you get anything sanitary. It’s the culinary version of Russian Roulette.
My summer job is washing dishes in a restaurant. On my first night, a waiter rushed in for a canister of silverware, but I had not put any through the washer machine in the past couple of minutes. He said, “No problem, I’ll just take these.” He took dirty silverware that the busboy had just brought in from previous customers. The waiter just rinsed it off a little until it “looked clean.” The same waiter also accidentally dropped a loaf-full of sliced bread all over the kitchen floor, but he picket it up and served it to unsuspecting customers out in the dining area. Those two incidents were shocking to me at first, but I got used to it because the waiters have done that kind of stuff nearly every night. It made me think twice about eating at restaurants!
I just threw up
Well, I grew up in Kentucky, where all the ladies love to cook and they all bring too much to the potluck. They do the same when they invite guests home for dinner. One Sabbath my favorite conference president, Eld. Johnson, was invited home to dine with an elderly couple after church. The lady had cooked all day Friday, and she wanted to make sure there wouldn’t be any left-overs. She stuffed Pres. Johnson with several rounds of appetizers, entrees, and second (& third & fourth) helpings, and then she made him each 2 full courses of desserts. I could see that he was literally about to pop open at the belly.
Just then I saw a mortified look on his face, as he pulled out his datebook and turned wide-eyed and red-faced as he saw what was written: he had forgotten that his secretary had promised he would dine with a different family (and large donors) after church that day! Now so stuffed full that he could barely walk, he had to apologize and make a quick exit from the first home, and rush over to the correct family’s house–where the correct lady had also spent all day Friday “cooking a feast for the conference president” and would be forever offended if he didn’t eat like an army . . . .
Ah, yes, Gluttony, one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
But it wasn’t Eld. Johnson’s fault. The cooks made him do it.
Well, the devil made me do it.
Feel sorry for the guy. I hope he had a hollow leg. I know how those country cooks are. They won’t take “no” for an answer.
We’re doing to have to add subsections to the 10 Commandmentsm like Congress does to laws.
C10.a – Thou shalt not open thine eyes during prayer.
C10.b – Thou shalt always say “Happy Sabbath” on the Sabbath.
C10.c – Thou shalt always bring food to the potluck.
Now the really big question. Are these mortal sins, or merely venial sins? The right Adventist answer should be, A sin is a sin is a sin, and the Catholic distinction between big sins and little sins is a sin.
Even little sins are big sins — especially when they are someone else’s sins.
Some people fail to bring food to the potluck; others bring questionable things, such as spoiled grape juice — because “California Adventists” believe it’s OK to drink fermented wine as long as they don’t get drunk. So, we need a handy rule of thumb to know when we have crossed the line from pleasant relaxation or mirth, to sinful intoxication. Don’t worry, it’s easy to tell when you have drunk too much.
You have drunk too much wine when you start to believe (even a little bit) there is actually the slightest chance that the Democratic President would ever allow the Democratic Attorney General of the Democratic Dept. of Justice to indict the Democratic presidential nominee for her illegal e-mail violations.
You have drunk too much if you start to believe, even for one minute, that the FBI investigation is anything besides a farce / joke / scam / charade. It is the biggest farce and charade in the history of Washington. Obviously there’s not a “snowball’s chance in h-ll” that the Loretta Lynch would be willing to indict the Democratic nominee, especially after Bill’s impromptu meeting in Phoenix to beg Lynch to “look the other way.” Since the Prez and the A.G. have known from the beginning that would never prosecute their darling Hellary, the so-called investigation farce is just a big waste of tax dollars.
One thing for sure: if Hellary is not indicted, I’m moving to Cuba. And yes, I’m gonna drink some good ol’ vegetarian “Noah’s juice” to drown out my sorrows about the decline of integrity in this nation. And no, I’m no fan of Trump. There are no good candidates this year. In fact, that last really good President was . . . George Washington.
Down, boy. Down, Fido. Here, boy, here’s a bone.
Nothing to worry about, Fido. It’s just a routine “security inquiry.”
I resent Fido’s comments. How dare he suggest that I would not be willing to indict and prosecute my former Secretary of State, the flag-bearer of my party, the one on whom I have placed my mantle, the one for whom I am scheduled to campaign heavily for the next 5 months. Of course I would be willing to prosecute her! (It’s just that I always knew–even before the “investigation” started–that she is innocent!)
NBC News Legal Analyst Lisa Bloom reports that she finds the new lawsuit against Donald Trump to be credible. “We live in a world where wealthy, powerful men often use and abuse women and girls. While these allegations [of raping a 13-year old girl in 1994 on the airplane of his close friend & convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein] may shock some, as a lawyer who represents women in sexual abuse cases every day, I can tell you that sadly, they are common, as is an accuser’s desire to remain anonymous, and her terror in coming forward.” http://www.HuffingtonPost.com/lisa-bloom/why-the-new-child-rape-ca_b_10619944.html .
I have no doubt that Hillary Clinton is guilty of e-mail violations. I also have little doubt that Trump is guilty of the allegations, which are corroborated by the sworn affidavit of his friend Epstein’s own employee. I agree that neither of the candidates is qualified to be President. Fido may be right that it’s time to move to Cuba, or at least to Canada.
Trump is sick. Even I wouldn’t do that.
Epstein is a convicted pedophile and registered sex offender. His employee, Tiffany D., recruited teenage girls by misleading them with promises of modeling contracts or performing massage on his infamous plane, the “Lolita Express.” As with all human sex trafficking, the victims did not learn the true nature of the “services” they would be forced to provide, until they were taken aboard the plane. The other sad fact is that the plane’s flight logs reveal that Bill Clinton was on that plane at least 26 times (not 11 times as previously reported) between 2001-2003. Not surprisingly, he refused to let his post-presidency Secret Service detail come with him on several of those flights.
Makes the Lewinsky Monicagate fiasco look tame by comparison.
The funniest part of this story is in the last line, about the sin of creeping up for seconds before some poor patient souls have made it through line once. It’s gluttons like that who spoil it for everyone. The cure? Have a platoon of Pathfinders hand out pre-filled plates to everybody at the same time.
Glad THAT’S settled…
And feed the Pathfinders with plenty of fresh broccoli.
I know a guy who got baptized last month, and the visiting evangelist did not want to “step on toes” by talking about the health message. So this new member innocently brought a real ham & bacon dish to the potluck. An elder assumed it was veggie Wham and chowed down on it, only to recognize the sweet taste of pork from his younger decadent years. The elder went ballistic on the new convert.
A sanitized, heavily-edited version of the elder’s tirade could be summarized as: “Why in the world did you bring pork to an SDA potluck?” To which the bewildered convert innocently replied, “No one ever said I shouldn’t bring it.” Maybe we should explain about the health message before baptizing these folks.
Same thing happened when the deacon found me smoking by the front entrance the week after I was baptized. He basically told me where to go (and it wasn’t to heaven). But how was I supposed to know? Most people smoked at my old church (Presbyterian), and the SDA evangelist never covered that topic at the crusade. I was a bit wiser after the deacon gave me that crash-course on temperance.
Not everyone should be expected to bring food. You never know, they might be visitors and they don’t want to buy stuff on Sabbath.
Yeah, I’ve seen the same “visitors” come empty-handed to my potluck 52 weeks in a row.
What we know about sevvy, the anonymous author of BarelyAdventist: founded B.A. in 2014, and under his guidance the site has invented and pioneered a number of revolutionary technologies, including the iPhone, the light bulb, non-alcoholic beer pong, and a vaccine for a disease that has not yet been discovered. He is currently seeking political asylum on the planet of Saturn.
The obvious solutions is for everybody to eat less / smaller portions of the food that people DO bring to the potluck. The problem is not a shortage of food, but a hogging demand for too much. If all diners will take reasonable small portions, there will be plenty for everyone.
Something to think about: It is a SIN to show up at any pot luck anywhere in the SDA Kingdom. The food is questionable. Its appearance is despicable. The taste is like eating chalk. Plan B? Stay home and eat PB & J sandwiches and a handful of Little Debbies
along with a tasty liquid of your choice. Look at me now! No wrinkles. No arthritis. All my faculties are in sync. I might live to be a 100 or more years! Woe iz me!
Richard, I agree except for one thing that I question: “All my faculties are in sync.” Back to your padded cell, my friend.
Happy Fourth of July, everybody! I shudder at the thought that either Hellary or Tramp will be president. I fear for this great nation if either one of them is elected. I would roll in my grave if either of them puts their crooked hands on the nuclear button. Even Burny Sanders or Mitt Romney would be better than either of them. Please pray for our nation. In spite of the politicians, may be remain the home of the brave, and the land of the free. God bless America.
The Romans (bless their lil old Italian appetites) had the perfect solution for this: the Roman Vomit Room. Frequently confused with the Vomitorium or vomitoria by misinformed psuedo historians and comedians alike, ye olde Vomit Room had its necessary and functional place at all the feasts and celebrations. Actually, if one studies this topic a little more closely (another ten minutes on the internet) many Roman’s just leaned over and chucked under the table where waiting slaves mopped up the mess. I am not certain how that solution would fit in with a hard working Adventist homemaker who had spent all day Friday spic and spanning the dining room floor for the Sabbath and which of the brood would be picked to be the designated mop up person and how this would conflict with the no work on Sabbath edict, but … one must make creative solutions for difficult circumstances. Or, you could just hire Governor Chris Christie to be your surrogate gourmand and go about your next dinner with a light heart and empty stomach. Just saying . . .
Uh, just to make it clear, my previous post was in response to Ann Teak’s account about Elder Johnson’s dilemma. Not that anyone would give my post anything other than a passing glance and thoughtful “Hmmmm”, not to be confused with ‘Hymn’.
Uh, just to make it clear, my previous post was in response to Ann Teak’s account about Elder Johnson’s dilemma. Not that anyone would give my post anything other than a passing glance and thoughtful “Hmmmm”, not to be confused with ‘Hymn’. Just saying . . .
Uh, just to make it clear, my previous post was in response to Ann Teak’s account about Elder Johnson’s dilemma. Not that anyone would give my post anything other than a passing glance and thoughtful “Hmmmm”, not to be confused with ‘Hymn’. Regarding the free loading diners, one could always hope for Manna from Heaven and show up with that in a casserole. I hear it is a remarkable foodstuff and pairs well with most Worthington and Loma Linda meatless recipes and can even be used as a substitute for flour for those unfortunates who are restricted to gluten free diets. I can taste it now . . . manna pancakes, manna tortillas, and my personal favorite, manna with mayonnaise. Just saying . . .