SILVER SPRING, Md. — A virtual thunderbolt struck Adventism today as the General Conference headquarters of the church sent out a push notification to members’ phones announcing the Second Coming.
The announcement delighted some members and absolutely horrified others. Adventist hospitals, schools and Little Debbie’s factories came to an immediate standstill as employees dropped their work and raced for building exits to stare at the sky.
It wasn’t until a full 28 minutes after the initial announcement that Adventist phones buzzed with a second notification claiming that “technical difficulties” had caused the original announcement to be released. The message reminded recipients that “no one – not even third floor GC personnel – knows the day or the hour of the Second Coming.”
The clarifying message included an apology for having caused a “second great disappointment.”
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Truly another Great Disappointment. But one further question: Will the brief shutdown in Little Debbies production have any ripple effect in the supply chain, to cause distress to the regular consumers of said product?
There’s a stash of Oatmeal Cream Pies in Father Ted’s office. It’s guarded by a team of undercover Jesuits, so we’re good.
28 minutes-perfection. Y’all are good!
The GC has been infiltrated by Jesuits. Every SDA college and university has Jesuits on the faculty. One of them even has a Jesuit president. There is reason to believe that Tedd Wilson himself is a Jesuit and a puppet of the Pope because they both think exactly alike in banning women’s ordination.
Which SDA college has a Jesuit president?
It is a secret. Can’t post it here.
Yo, Joe-I ,too know the academic institution of learning that has a Jesuit leader. I, too, cannot reveal its name under oath. This was a secret oath taken many years ago in a darkly lit room near the GC in Takoma Park. If I tell, I have to take down others as well. Don’t make me do it!! Eat some more Little Debbies while they are still available.
Sad to see Little Debbies factory come to a halt during this second coming fiasco. My sources tell me that LD is on an automatic mode. I’m glad for the automation. My local convenience store is NEVER out of Little Debbies. Now I know why my electronic devices were in a frenzy that day. Make sure it never happens again, never!!