GC Session 2020 To Vote On Ordination Of Kanye

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

Kanye West at the 2009 Tribeca Film Festival
This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference announced this morning that the ordination eligibility of rapper-turned-gospel-star, Kanye West, would be placed on the agenda for next summer’s GC Session.

The question of whether the Bible could permit the ordination of West is a highly controversial issue dividing likely session delegates. Although West is virtually guaranteed the millennial vote, there are currently less millennial GC delegates than there are volunteers for parking attendant duties at your local church.

West, who appears to have had a Damascus Road experience, has certainly not ticked all the boxes required for the ordination of Adventist ministers and has never been spotted in a double-breasted suit.

“Though this lack of credentials does not help, Mr. West had about 17,000 people attending his worship service last weekend so there’s that,” said NAD ordination specialist, Nad Yem, adding that his division would likely be sympathetic to giving the performer credentials.

GC Insiders have let slip that the deciding issue will probably be West’s stance on haystacks. If the musician doesn’t think the meal will be served in heaven, he’s expected to only qualify for commissioning.


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.


(Visited 1,012 times, 1 visits today)

One comment

  1. Richard Mills

    In order for this guy to be ordained, he must come top through the ranks. Also, must be the husband of ONE wife, not multiple wives. Ditch this guy once and for all. Poor role model for our youth.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *