Headstrong Member Crushed to Hear Church Has Room For Guy That Doesn’t Agree With Him

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In a stunning blow to his ego, super-opinionated church member Chad Righteous was devastated to hear that his church has room for a guy that doesn’t agree with his theology.

“I’m literally shocked,” Righteous said in a statement to BarelyAdventist. “I thought for sure that my church was a place where everyone believed the exact same things as me. But now I find out that there are people who actually disagree with me? This is unacceptable.”

Righteous has been a member of the church for over 10 years, and during that time, he has regularly led spirited diatribes over veggie lasagna about the finer points of sanctuary doctrine and the implications of the 1844 investigative judgment.

He is telling everyone that his world was shattered when he learned that the church welcomed a newcomer who didn’t share his exact doctrinal checklist.

Fellow members have tried to console him, suggesting that perhaps a little diversity of thought could lead to more enriching discussions, but the resolute member wasn’t having it. He retorted, “Diversity of thought is a dangerous slippery slope! Soon we’ll have people singing hymns from different hymnals and worse, straying from the only way to keep the Sabbath!”

In related news, Chad Righteous has been overheard saying that he is considering starting his own church, where everyone will be required to agree with him on everything. Either that or he’ll run for church office.


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