RIVERSIDE, Calif. — La Sierra University’s Board of Trustees released a statement today categorically defining turkey as a non-meat food. The board convened days after the university had officially closed for Thanksgiving recess to make the announcement. The statement has ignited the latest in a series of firestorm debates stemming from controversial La Sierra statements in recent years.
“This statement is about as ridiculous as they come,” said Jon Firmam, PhD, a dietician at nearby Loma Linda University. “The La Sierra board was clearly scraping the barrel for their next big zinger. This is plainly unscientific.”
Pacific Union Health Ministries Director Jamie Thorp sees the La Sierra announcement in a completely different light. “This just sounds like a bunch of Adventist vegetarians needing a workaround to allow for Thanksgiving turkey consumption,” said Thorp. “I don’t know why they don’t just come out and admit the obvious.”
Repeated calls to La Sierra media relations personnel were unreturned at press time. A recorded message explains that staff will not return calls until after the holiday and wishes callers a “Happy Turkey Day.”
Let them eat that tofurky stuff. Gimme the real thing!! Woe is me!!
Everybody knows turkey isn’t meat. It’s poultry!