Local Adventist Prays For Release From Post-Service Conversation With Chatty Member

“Support the BarelyAdventist team by joining our Patreon community or leaving a PayPal tip - it means the world to us.”

Local Adventist Matthew Thompson found himself in desperate need of divine intervention this past Sabbath as he became ensnared in a post-service conversation with Sister Edith, the church’s most prolific talker.

What began as a polite exchange of Happy Sabbaths quickly escalated into a comprehensive review of Edith’s recent dental work, her cat’s mysterious aversion to gluten, and a detailed recounting of her neighbor’s cousin’s son’s graduation.

Matthew, who had initially planned to spend the afternoon eating and napping, soon realized he was in for a long haul. As Sister Edith’s monologue showed no signs of winding down, he silently uttered a desperate prayer for rescue.

Witnesses report that Brother James, a seasoned church elder known for his quick getaways, caught sight of Matthew’s plight and attempted to intervene. However, his efforts were swiftly thwarted by Edith’s remarkable ability to simultaneously engage multiple people in conversation without losing her train of thought.

In a stroke of divine mercy, Edith’s phone finally buzzed, and she excused herself to take the call. Matthew, seizing the opportunity, made a swift exit.

“I’ve never been so grateful for a telemarketer,” Matthew later confessed. “My prayers were answered.”


You’ve had your fix of satire. Now head over to Adventist Today for current events updates, analysis and opinion on all things Adventist.


(Visited 99 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *