Greesei, Md. – At no extra cost, Soul Catchenreleese Stadium is offering fully-greased revolving doors for the latest GC-sponsored mass evangelism event.
Stadium management guarantees the doors will “let anyone leave the venue at the lighting speed with which they entered.”
“Years of research have proven people will want to exit even the most dramatic of experiences as fast as they entered, no matter how many prophetic charts they’ve seen or how scary the beasts in the PowerPoint you’ve subjected them to,” said Catchinnreleese Stadium spokesperson Skwee Key.
The stadium has rejected GC suggestions that only obscure side exits be used for people trying to leave the upcoming evangelistic series.
The latest GC plan for keeping people in place is to weigh them down with extra-heavy hard cover copies of The Great Controversy.