Nuclear weapon unveiled in GC auditorium ahead of Annual Council

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — On the eve of Annual Council, church officials have unveiled a nuclear weapon on the stage of the GC auditorium.

As a white sheet was pulled off the warhead, officials attempted to calm shocked onlookers saying that it was “merely a preventative measure” to make sure things didn’t get out of hand during the week of meetings.

“We are a bunch of pacifists who wouldn’t dream of using this thing under any normal circumstances,” said Drastic Measures Secretary, Doss Knott. “But since we’ve got some sensitive stuff to talk about this year we thought a little leverage wouldn’t hurt.”

Knott promised nothing bad would happen as long as the rebel unions learned to play nice in the sandbox.

“Our goal is to keep Annual Council as boring as it always is,” said Knott. “If the trouble children behave those launch codes will remain untouched on the third floor.”

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  1. Kim Jong-Ted (Kim Jong Wilson)

    I will not stop at anything, until everyone thinks just like me. Any hint of dissent, and you will be banished to the labor camps of door-to-door Ingathering. “Unity” at any cost! (Even at the cost of conscience or liberty!)

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