Pastor fired for using Adventist church manual as door stop

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PORTLAND, Ore. — An Adventist pastor has been terminated after he was caught using the church manual as a door stop.

When asked to explain his behavior, Pastor Frank Laughlez of Grace Conditional Adventist Church told stern members of his church board that using the volume as a door stop was “better than letting it collect dust on a shelf like it does in most church offices.”

“The church manual is a boring and confusing read full of rules that even the Pharisees would have a hard time keeping,” added Laughlez as he was handed a cardboard box with his belongings and a severance ration of Big Franks.

Laughlez was reassigned to a desk job at Pacific Press. He arrived just in time for a fresh print run of hard cover church manuals.

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