Preachers Issued Remote Controls To Slow Down Church Clocks

The latest item on a list of pastor must-haves is a brand new remote control that controls clocks in the church building. The device allows preachers to slow clocks if their sermon is running long.

The clock is also programmed to go backwards in five-minute increments every time a preacher uses the words “in conclusion.”

Device manufacturers recommend confiscation of member phones and Rolexes if the “official” time is disputed – especially if the preacher has been inspired to spontaneously make a few more points.

The device has had some issues around college campuses where hackers have hijacked clocks and instead sped them up to coincide with the cafeteria opening for lunch.


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