Report: BRI Does Nothing But Play BibleOpoly All Day

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — A compliance committee investigation into the daily activities of the Biblical Research Institute staff has revealed that the team of scholars does nothing but sit around playing BibleOpoly all day.

Compliance spies dressed as computer techs and janitorial staff, monitored the group over a period of a week and reported that, with the exception of Friday (when nobody came to work), every weekday consisted of intensely competitive games of BibleOpoly that were only interrupted by bathroom breaks, prayers for victory and an aggressively vegan lunch.

Any calls to the BRI offices went to a recorded message saying that the team was busy doing cutting-edge biblical research that simply could not be interrupted.


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