“Cats” So Bad GC Tried To Cancel It

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The General Conference announced today that it did its “honest part” to keep box office bomb Cats from being shown in theaters. A delegation from the Adventist headquarters’ Read more […]

Adventist found guilty of Sabbath swimming after falling in pool

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Adventist Supreme Court has found a member guilty of Sabbath swimming despite what he claims was an entirely accidental fall into a friend’s pool. The incident which Read more […]

General Conference declares monopoly on truth

SILVER SPRING, Md. — In an effort to “clear a few things up and establish unity once and for all”, the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has declared an absolute monopoly on Read more […]

‘The Sound of Music’ officially approved for Sabbath viewing

SILVER SPRING, Md. — “This is a day or rejoicing for Adventist Sound of Music fans around the world,” said Sabbath Permissions Advocate, Elaine Biggins. “This morning the GC-based Biblical Research Read more […]