“This is a record, even for Southern,” read a university statement congratulating Shawn and Mary Rapidisima on their wedding day.
The two said they met in front of Thatcher Hall on their first evening at Southern.
“It was love at first sight,” said Shawn who said he first laid eyes on Mary a full 28 minutes before curfew.
After a few days the couple fell madly in love and were engaged to be married by the time they called their parents to announce their news.
Unexpected disaster struck when both families decided to immediately stop paying tuition seeing as their kids had already found Adventists to marry.
The newlyweds were rescued by a full scholarship offered to them from the school. Administrators said that the full-ride was given in honor of the Rapidisimas setting an example that every Southern student should follow.
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This is not a surprise. It is a well-known fact that Southern (and most other SDA colleges) is filled with Catholic faculty members, including the theology department. The chairman of the theology department even has a secret statue of the Papacy on his desk. If you send your child to this college, you are putting your ancestors at risk. No Adventist mother in his right mind would send his kids to Southern or any other so-called “Adventist” university. Better to send them to Notre Dame or Loyola where at least the Catholicism is open and obvious, instead of going to a place where it is cloaked and disguised.