WASHINGTON, D.C. – A growing legal dispute between the Seventh-day Adventist and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is headed for the US Supreme Court. At the heart of the battle between the two normally cordial churches, is an intense disagreement about which church invented the taco salad dish known to both as “haystacks”.
“I like the Mormons but they don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to who came up with haystacks,” said a spokesperson for the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists, Ekumen Acahl.
“The historical record is clear: both Ellen and James White were huge haystack fans and not a revival meeting went by without the faithful heaping huge dollops of sour cream onto sagging paper plates as they battled the New England cold,” said Acahl.
He said that the “Hawaiian Haystack,” popular at Mormon ward potlucks and featuring pineapple chunks, “clearly is some kind of a spin-off from a highly Adventist dish which brought health and vitality to the ailing way back in the early days of Battle Creek Sanitarium.”
Neither church is willing to give an inch on what both sides have taken to calling “our haystack heritage” and the Supreme Court is likely to hear the case early next year.
Acahl says the Adventist church is confident of victory in the dispute. “The only complicating factor is that apparently the Mennonites also call their taco salads ‘haystacks.’ And they’ve been around forever.”
- Where Single Adventists meet. Free 2 year membership. Divorced, widowed, and never married welcomed. We want Adventists to meet other Adventists.
Ekumen Acahl. Lol
I cannot believe this is going to court, I hope it wasn’t the Adventist church who
started the case, isn’t there far more better things to spend there money and time on.?
I don’t know which is funnier; these articles, or people who don’t understand satire.
THE PEOPLE WHO DONT GET IT. NOW YOU KNOW.
Of course they started it, Yvonne.
The Adventist Church’s meme is “The Great Controversy.” It is addicted to controversy. If there isn’t one, it’s leaders and devout members will tart one. If there is one, they will milk it for all its worth. There has to be something for the General Conference large legal department to do when they aren’t ruling that women’s ordination by a division is constitutionally illegal.
RUMOR: SDA AND MORMON ORIGINS CAN BE TRACED BACK TO THE SAME PLACE AND TIME. THERE WAS A MIX UP IN THE PROPHETS.
EGW AND JOSEPH SMITH PLAYED “PAPER, SIZZORS, ROCK” TO SEE WHO WOULD GO TO THE MORMON CAMP. REST IS HISTORY.
Beautiful, made my day
I JUST CALLED MY BOOKIE AND PLACED A $1000 BET THAT IT SWINGS IN FAVOR OF THE SDA, ILL EVEN GINE AN OFFERING FROM THE PRIZE MONEY
The GC spokesperson’s name (“Ekumen Acahl”) is quite ironic for a church with little or no “ecumenical” inclinations.
Haystacks are an important subject, but what about adornment? It would be nice if the Supreme Court could review God Likes Jewelry and settle the adornment debate within the church.
Next thing you know, the Mormons will be trying to claim Postum and Fri-Chik as their own inventions. Tsk, tsk.
Everybody knows that Little Debbie (now big obese Debbie, from eating too many snack cakes) invented corn chips and haystacks along with the Mennonites.
Didn’t Doug Batchelor have something to do with it?
WE WILL TRADE YOU OUR LAW ON MULTIPLE WIVES, (SAD TO SEE IT GO) FOR YOUR POSTUM. IT IS A SIN FOR US TO DRINK REAL, NATURAL, GOD GIVEN COFFEE.
BESIDES I CAN HAVE CONCUBINES AND DISCARD THEM AT WILL. BUT GOOD FAKE COFFEE, WELL NOW, YOU CANT BEAT THAT.
If I were still President, I will issue an executive order decreeing that Taco Bell invented haystacks, whether they are called “taco salad” or some other name.
Wrong. I invented haystacks while fiddling while HP burned.
Aw, shucks. I thought the Southern Baptists were involved somehow.
If I were still President, I will decree that Alexander Graham Bell invented haystacks.
I vote for the Mennonites, and you vote for me.
If I am elected President, I will decree that Joseph of Genesis made corn chips and invented Haystacks, which he stored in the Pyramids of Egypt.
IT’S TRUE, I HAVE SOME IN MY TOMB. LIL STALE BUT WHAT THE HELL, IM DEAD ANYWAY.
If I am elected, I will decree that EGW and Joseph Smith were the same person, since there were never seen in the same room together. So it doesn’t really matter who invented haystacks.
I’VE BEEN DISCOVERED. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN ONE HUNDRED YEARS LATER, AT LEAST WHEN I WANTED TO DRESS IN DRAG THE WOMEN DRESS STYLE WOULD NOT BE PATHETIC.
If I am elected President, I will decree that illegal haystacks shall be blocked from entry by the Great Wall of Mexico. All fleeing Syrian haystacks will be blocked until we figure out what we’re doing. And of course, all Muslim haystacks will be banned totally.
If I am elected, I will put a haystack in every pot, and a Rolls Royce in every garage. I will also get a face lift, a pacemaker, and some anti-dementia pills, as I will be the oldest person ever elected.
When I am elected, I will fire all the Supreme Court Justices and replace them with basketball players. That’s because the roof of the Supreme Court building has a basketball court, which is jokingly referred to as the “highest court in the land.”
If I am elected President, I will decree that Jerry Falwell and Sarah Palin invented haystacks after receiving a frontal lobotomy by Dr. Ben Carsinogen.
If I am elected President, I will tell my cronies to use haystacks to create illegal roadblocks on the Washington bridge, instead of using normal traffic barriers on the Jersey bridge.
If I could be President again, I would look straight into the camera and tell the nation that “I tried a haystack or two, but I did not inhale.”
IF YOU BECAME PRESIDENT AGAIN, I WOULD SHOOT YOU……. WITH A PAINTBALL GUN, PINK COLOR PAINT. RIGHT IN YOUR FOREHEAD, THEN I WOULD LAUGH
If I am elected, I will first let out a sigh of amazement, and then I will declare that haystacks shall be the official White House cuisine in honor of the Native Americans, who ate them with Tofurky on the first Thanksgiving in 1492.
This whole haystacks debate is useless. We need to stick to the real issues, such as how to train the liberal left-wing socialist media reporters to understand that I don’t mean what I say (I only mean what I later tell them I meant, which is usually very different from what I actually said).
Forget haystacks. All I want to know is, how many books I can sell on Friday nights; now many political campaign rallies I can lead on Sabbaths; and how many Sunday church services can I attend; and how many disgraced crooked healthcare-fraud-committing dentists can be my best friend, and still maintain my nominal membership in the SDA Church.
This doesn’t need to go up to the Supreme Court. Let me settle the dispute. . . .
Hey, where are the missing haystack exhibits? One of the lawyers must have gotten hungry and ate the exhibits!
Don’t blame the lawyers; I’m the guilty one. I cannot lie; I chopped down the cherry tree; I unstapled the haystack exhibits from the court briefs; and I ate them. Boy, were they delicious!
I prefer my haystacks chocolate-coated.
No. It must be carob-coated. Now go and get re-baptized.
I CAN BAPTIZE YOU IN MY DRIVE THROUGH CHURCH
“Hey, Nancy, where’s my haystack dinner?”
“Sorry, Teddy; the nuns decided to serve Little Debbie’s and Special-K loaf tonight.”
Ah ha! This story is a fake, because the early Adventists would not have dumped “huge dollops of sour cream” onto their haystacks. They would have used the vegan “Better than Sour Cream” made from non-GMO tofu.
Q. What do you call 3 scoundrels eating haystacks while sitting in a circle?
A. A dope ring.
Q. What do you call 2 Clintons in the oval office while sitting in a circle?
This question is proof of the vast right-wing conspiracy.
IF YOUR RIGHT, YOU CANT BE WRONG.
Paper plates? In 1844?
Yes, they had paper plates made of glass, china, wood, or pewter.
URGENT URGENT All health insurance companies have released a joint communique announcing they will not cover the long list of diseases associated with eating Haystacks. Eat Haystacks at your own risk,
And which are those diseases, pray tell? I will need to warn my former patients and future constituents.
Thanks for the warning. Death is usually fatal.
I WORK FOR THE JOINT COMMISSION. MAKES ME HUNGRY BUT IT IS RELAXING WORK.
CRAIG, I’M GONNA GET YOU HIGH.
This is another one of sevvy’s funny yet wasteful and deceptive writings. He is so talented; why can’t he spend his time writing something true, useful, and worthwhile — like raunchy rap lyrics or Ben Carson’s hip-hop campaign commercials?
How about far-out science fiction thrillers or steamy Christian harlequin romance novels? Or Scientology propaganda? Those are certainly in the “true, useful, and worthwhile” category, right?
If only we would stop competing with other churches and just enjoy the differences and contributions of every denomination–from haystacks to the day of worship. Can’t we all just get along?
I WILL START MY OWN SABBATARIAN DENOMINATION. 7TH DAY SABBATH IS STILL IN, BUT YOU WORSHIP IN YOUR HOME AS COMMANDED IN EXODUS AFTER THE PASSOVER. ALSO YOUR TITHES IS PART OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD BUDGET.
CAN I GET AN AYYYYYYY MEN? BROTHER?
Here is how it’s going down. The slick lawyers at the GC are going to file a Trade Mark & Copyright application pending this hearing. Another slick lawyer is going after all the others who are infringing on this trade mark & copyright and they will have to pay damages. Maybe another lawyer can help sell franchising/licensing rights. Bingo-settled!! GC treasury fills up. Another top level of administration to take care of. All is happy-happy-happy. Except the losers! Let them whine all they want!! I love haystacks. Woe iz me.
The new franchise will aptly be named “Haystack Bell,” and I hear that Taco Bell is interested in getting its taco salads to be licensed there, too.
John Harvey Kellogg invented Hay Stacks.