“The Great Controversy” retitled “Star Wars” by Adventist Church

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a hasty rebranding move, Adventist church leaders have retitled Ellen White’s The Great Controversy as Star Wars.

General Conference public relations director, Spihn Saikal said “even if we would never condone watching movies in the theater, everyone’s talking about Star Wars right now so we thought we’d cash in on the trend and get the word out about this amazing book.”

Explaining the church’s rationale further, Saikal said that there “is ample galactic drama going on in The Great Controversy. We are sure that the huge public interest in Star Wars: The Force Awakens will translate to lots of new The Great Controvery readers now that we have modernized the title.”

The decision has GC officials buzzing with adrenaline about the awareness the rebranding could bring to the much-quoted Adventist book. About the only person not excited at the church headquarters was a worried attorney stressing about trademark infringement.



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  1. Interesting name for the GC public relations director, “Spihn Saikal.” There is a “spin cycle” just like there’s a news cycle.

    Now, about that “worried attorney stressing about trademark infringement”: just give her some valium and proceed with the plan. It’s sort of like my friend who says, “Whenever I feel like exercising, I just lie down until the urge passes.”

  2. Ray Kraft

    So when is the SDA church going to produce the movie “Star Wars: The Great Contoversy?” Such a book, oughta be an even bigger hit than “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.” I mean, it’s not just The Force, it’s God Almighty vs. Satan!

    Need a good director. I think Clint Eastwood still has a few good flicks in him, but ya better get crackin’, he ain’t gettin’ younger.

    1. Mr Clint Eastwood

      I accept, but I would film it as a documentary. It will be great.
      Real life war, conflict and killing is tons better than acting. Call my agent, David Bigstein at his Hollywood and Vine office. I feel lucky about this one.

  3. bugs

    A listening device attached to the EllenShip, the soundproof orbiting Adventist capsule, revealed casting calls were placed for the two lead characters, God and Devil. Yesterday, a small puff of white smoke from it’s exhaust signaled that the Pope was chosen to play the devil. God, is still “up in the air.” Does anyone know anyone who could play this role?

  4. Elisha's Bears

    MEL Gibson might do the movie for the Adventists.

    He’s doing an anti-war film about Adventist hero Desmond Doss right now, so he might be feeling good about Adventists when he takes in the millions. But he might have been converted to non-combatancy which would wreck the Adventist mythology of thenGreat War. Then again, he could make a fortune out of Adventists. Teddy Taliban would most likely order 100 million copies of the DVD to put in every mail box in the USA as a contemporary evangelism tool, and the independent mininistries might match it with putting it into every DVD player and computer in the world. Then Jesus would have to come back because everyone would have seen the message through the famous Mel Gibson blockbuster.

    Personally, I think JC has given up the earth and humanity as a lost cause. Let the humans destroy themselves with their lunacy and anti-earth and anti-human violence then let his creation restore itself into a heavenly paradise with no trace of the aberrant human species – God’s experiment gone horribly wrong.

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