Taylor Swift commissioned to lead crusty GC crowd in “Shake it Off”

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Taylor Swift has promised to dress and perform appropriately for the Adventist crowd...
Taylor Swift has promised to dress and perform appropriately for the Adventist crowd…
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — In an effort to lift the funk that has settled over General Conference San Antonio delegates and attendees, session organizers have enlisted some star power for tonight’s meeting in the Alamodome: Pop megastar Taylor Swift will perform an Adventist-appropriate version of her hit song “Shake It Off.”

“We realize it’s a little unorthodox to have Taylor sing with us for song service but we need a change of mood around here,” said GC Session music director, Aaron Flub, referring to palpable tension that is still keenly felt after the controversial “NO” vote on regionally-approved women’s ordination that took place yesterday.

Swift will lead the Alamodome crowd in what Flub is calling a “lightly coordinated song service action sequence to lift the spirits and shake off any ill feeling that remains from yesterday’s proceedings.”

Members that are concerned about inappropriate shaking to the song’s chorus can rest assured that Swift has been thoroughly coached in Adventist culture. Alamodome Adventists will simply be required to vigorously shake hands as Swift sings, “I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake…”



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  1. Ha ha! “Adventists will simply be required to vigorously shake hands as Swift sings, ‘I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake…'” Good one, Sevvy. We must studiously avoid anything remotely reminiscent of dancing. After all, we would not want to violate Psalm 150 (“praise Him with the tambourine and dance“).

  2. Billy Linkletter

    The Bible says “praise Him with the tambourine and dance,” but we better not do that because it’s wrong. It’s wrong, folks! Just plain wrong. Anyone want to join me in tearing out that page from the Bible? I’m organizing a big bonfire tonight outside the Alomodome for anyone who wants to help send the offending pages up in smoke. Come one, come all! If you don’t have a regular Bible made of paper, just pull up Psalm 150 on your iPad or iPhone, and throw it in the fire, too!

    1. Great! I’m organizing a smartphone and tablet collection drive during tonight’s GC session. I’ll gladly collect all Androids, iPhones, iPads, Windows tablets, etc. from the delegates, and we’ll incinerate the offending scripture verses (not just Psalm 150, but quite a few others). This might actually be a good thing, as there would be less texting and web surfing by delegates and more attention paid to the speakers during the meetings. Maybe if they had read the agenda materials and listened to the speakers (including a great elder statesman / past GC President) more carefully, the vote on July 8 would have turned out differently.

  3. Frank D

    Let’s see now, Taylor Swift is one of the best role models for young people that the music industry has. She is not afraid to be who she is and stand by what she believes in.
    She has perseverance and strength of character. We as Christians KNOW how the story ends: WE WIN! SATAN LOSES! That’s reason enough to SING, DANCE, BEAT THE DRUMS, AND SHOUT TO THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN! Shame on those who are so legalistic and judgmental! At least be as overjoyed at your salvation as you would be when your favorite team wins the Superbowl!

  4. Richard Mills

    Will this event include the old time “marches” on the floor of the dome? Better yet, why not do as Joshua did, march around the Dome 7 times and see what happens !! Save me a place in line. Woe is me.

    1. Thaddeus Abrams

      It’s always someone else’s church that gets lost. To put it more bluntly, it’s always some other person who goes to the lake of fire. “The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men’….” (Luke 18:11).

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