Woman has lowered standards enough to date that guy from church

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GLENDALE, Calif. — Although it hasn’t been an easy journey getting to this point, Michelle Turner says that the next time that Ed from church asks her out, she might actually say yes.

Turner said that while this wouldn’t have been the case six months ago, the dire lack of dating options locally has left her with little alternative to giving Ed a chance.

Seeing Ed at Vallejo Drive Church Sabbath after Sabbath has worn down Turner’s defenses enough for her to allow for the theoretical possibility that his wildly mismatched weekly outfits might, with her influence, be within the healing reach of redemption should she be able to convince him of the error of his fashion ways within the first month or so of dating.

Turner stressed to family and friends that she has done her due diligence through prospecting visits to other area churches but that, barring agonizing weekly pilgrimages to the Loma Linda area, Ed truly is the only flesh-and blood Adventist her age that is currently accessible.

She swallowed hard and admitted that she may be able to get over the fact that Ed seems to think he is on American Idol every time he does special music (which, given the musical dry spell Vallejo Drive is going through, seems to be every other week) but that she will have to have a very direct conversation with him about his tendency to bite his bottom lip during dramatic performance pauses.

Although Turner is still believing for a miracle, she has resolved no longer to resist Ed’s offers to walk her to her car. She says that the next time he asks her if she is doing anything on Saturday night she will not spontaneously come up with a conflicting social engagement that has so far delivered her from Ed’s impressively consistent Applebee’s plans.

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  1. Ray Kraft

    Poor Michelle. Why can she only date Adventists? There’s lots of other people out there who aren’t wearing horns and a spiky tail and might be like totally fascinated to talk for hours about what Adventists believe and don’t believe right there at any Applebees.

  2. Aside from the humor in this blog, there’s an underlying serious issue: Michelle is already thinking that she can change this man. Some Adventist women think they can change a man to become an Adventist. Other women think they can change an Adventist man (who they don’t even like) to be attractive to them. Both approaches are a mistake. “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

  3. Richard Mills

    Hey, Michelle-Forget that Ed guy. Be patient for a few more months. Head down to the GC Session. Look around. Visit a few booths. Who knows, Mr. Wonderful is waiting for you. Don’t forget to check out those Christian single-mingle groups. If I wasn’t already taken, I would check you out!! Can you sew, cook, bake, saddle a horse, chuck wood, drive a wagon? Woe is me

    1. Dorothy Mills


      Leave the poor woman alone. I sew, cook, bake, and drive that 1986 Oldsmobile wagon you bought 4th-hand. Just because I hate horses is no reason to start “going fishing”. Watch it, buster or “Woe” really will be you!

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