Yelp claims Dwight Nelson’s jokes are funnier by second service

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Definitely a second service moment...
Definitely a second service moment…
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — Ratings and reviews company Yelp has begun allowing parishioners to grade their ministers on their performance in the pulpit. The overall consensus in Berrien Springs, is that Andrews University-based Dr. Dwight Nelson is way better at telling jokes by second service.

Although the well-known pastor received a 4.5 out of 5 overall rating, most reviewers warned early birds that Nelson was not at his wittiest for the early Sabbath morning first service at Pioneer Memorial Church.

“I think he’s still a little sleepy at 9:00 in the morning and that’s why he kind of phones in some of his jokes,” said one reviewer.

Other theories floated by ultra-committed PMC regulars include the idea that Nelson uses the first service as a dry run for the bigger college student crowd at second service that refuses to wake up any earlier than absolutely necessary:

“I’ve heard two very different versions of the same joke just by staying for both services,” says PMC regular and Yelp reviewer, Jay Nandrews. “If a joke doesn’t work in first service, Pastor Dwight makes sure he tweaks it the second time around. A few times when a quip totally falls flat for the first crowd he just gives up on it and leaves it out for the second.”



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  1. “Jay Nandrews” is quite a clever name for the “PMC regular and Yelp reviewer.” His parents must have really admired J. N. Andrews.

    Frankly, I can’t comment on the difference between the jokes in first service and the second service. But I would rate the quality of the jokes in the second service as somewhere between Conan O’Brien and Jon Stewart.

  2. Bill Mayor

    Uh oh, Pastor Nelson will be in big trouble if Ted Wilson sees this. President Wilson has warned Adventist preachers not to “tickle [the congregation’s] ears with funny or emotional stories.” The full quote:

    As a preacher, I must not “stand behind a pulpit in a Seventh-day Adventist Church with the private goal of impressing listeners with my rhetoric, or ingratiating myself with them, or tickling their ears with funny or emotional stories.” (Adventist World, Sept. 2011, p. 10.). Instead, he apparently recommends a dry recitation of Bible verses and Spirit of Prophecy texts; and deacons will stand by with pillows for snoozing parishioners.

  3. Jack Onassis

    “If a joke doesn’t work in first service, Pastor Dwight makes sure he tweaks it the second time around.” Nothing wrong with that. Every good speaker learns from his mistakes. However, I have a different theory: the 1st service crowd tends to be older, more conservative, and less alert than the 2nd service audience. The first service group does not have the same sense of humor as the 2nd service audience. Plus, the church is much less full in the 1st service. Those differences have a direct influence on the perception of humor. When the auditorium is crowded and packed, there is a psychology at work, which makes the audience “warmer” and more subject to emotion and humor. And of course, Dr. Dwight would naturally feel more willing to let loose with some good one-liners when the audience is more full of college students in the second service. There is no mystery here. It all makes sense.

  4. B'rock O'Bama

    The funniest thing Dr. Nelson does, is the way he slips into a ghetto accent once in a while. It seems sort of strange hearing a “doctor” talk that way. I don’t know if he’s trying to sound African American or Southern, or what, when he says “Boah” instead of “boy,” etc. His wife should clue him in that it sounds a little out of place.

  5. Don Trumpet

    I had the privilege of meeting Pastor Dwight 5 years ago. Although I did not have an appointment, he took time to meet with me in his office to pray and give me some good advice about a decision I was wrestling with. But it’s nice to know he has a sense of humor, too. I’d like to see him go head-to-head with some of the political candidates out there, who aren’t even trying to be funny, but they are–because they’re such buffoons. First suggestion: The Donald. I predict The Donald would win the laugh contest because buffoonery always wins over clever intelligent humor.

  6. Hilarious Clinton

    I once saw a preacher, who was wearing a long ecclesiastical robe, jump up on top of the pulpit and tell a joke about a drunk priest. The preacher is lucky he didn’t slip on the hem of the robe and break his neck. Let’s see Dwight Nelson top that!

  7. Donald Trumpet

    Did you hear the one about the jailbirds who decided to number their jokes, so they could just call out the number instead of repeating the whole joke? One guy called out “8!” and everybody laughed. Then another guy called out “5!” Silence. Not a peep. Confused, he asked, “Why isn’t anyone laughing?” The other jailbirds explained, “Some can tell ’em, and some just can’t.”

  8. Lisa Mona

    Look. Here’s the thing. If you think Pastor Nelson’s jokes are funny, here’s something even more amazing: Elvis is alive! The King is 80 years old now, but he is alive and well. His “death” in 1977 was a cruel hoax to trick the gullible public, who will fall for anything. He is actually hiding at a branch campus of Amazing Facts on a UFO. He has vowed to stay up there until the church stops arguing about women’s ordination.

  9. Richard Mills

    Did you hear that Pastor Nelson and his wife go out to eat two times a week? No, you didn’t!! He goes out on Mondays and she goes out on Thursdays!! One pastor complained that his wife bragged about all the electrical appliances in the kitchen but still needed a few more. So, he went out and bought her an electric chair. Our pastor & his wife are always holding hands. If he lets go, she goes on a shopping spree. A local Elder can be just as funny !! HA HA HO HO HEE HEE– Woe is me!!

  10. Milly Rice

    This site is a disgrace. The writer is perpetrating lies in the name of “satire.” Satire is one thing; lies are another. This site is neither one. Shame on you. And you can stop hiding behind that silly screen name (“sevvy”). We know who you are; we have identified you as Russell (“Rusty”) Nail of Mobile, Alabama. Why not use your time, talent, and effort to write something true and worthwhile, like Frankenstein? Nobody even reads this site anymore; and all the people who write comments are a bunch of losers.

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