Collegedale Church instructs members to bring exact change for offering next Sabbath

Offerings take a while even under the best circumstances at Collegedale Church
Offerings take a while even under the best circumstances at Collegedale Church
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — An email titled “URGENT” was sent to the over 3000 members of Collegedale Church this morning in response to what Church Treasurer, Keefer Spears is calling “the longest offering on record”. In the email, Spears implored members to bring exact change for offering next Sabbath after “several dozen” congregants more than doubled the offering collection time yesterday by asking deacons for change on bills.

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Spears spared no words in expressing his frustration with “church cheapskates that seem to think the offering basket is a change machine.” He said that he had even observed some members asking for change on dollar bills.

Due to the repeated interruptions, Spears said that the 7th grade bell choir “was forced to play the same piece three times” before the offering was complete. “It was bad enough the first time through,” complained Spears seven paragraphs into his email.

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Spears saved his harshest critique for an unnamed man sitting in one of the back rows. The member in question had asked for change on a $20 bill “and then he pocketed every last dollar bill!” ranted Spears before concluding the email with a reminder that the Lord loves a cheerful giver.


2 Comments

  1. Farfromthere

    Reminds me of the time I put a US$5.00 in the offering plate in a soft-currency country and watched as two local members argued over who would get the US bill and how many local currency units they would “give” to get the hard currency. Local school teacher won the argument, for reasons unknown to me. LOL but offering issues do happen!

  2. This reminds me of an idea pioneered by a local drugstore that encourages you to “round up” your order to the next buck so they can have money to send to a local charity. Save your church treasurer the trauma of counting change or writing numbers, and round your contribution up to the next dollar. C’mon, you can afford this!

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