SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In a statement released this morning, the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church claimed the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years because they hadn't been introduced to Pathfinder clubs.
"If they had only been taught the essential navigation skills available to all who complete the Orienteering honor, they could have made it to the Promised Land within a fraction of the time," said GC Pathfinders spokesperson Patch Hadams.
Hadams also claimed that with the help of some Master Guide drill instructors, the Israelites could have been taught proper marching skills that would have enforced more discipline across their ranks.
Although he admitted that the digital photography, and both the basic and advanced computer honors, would have been only marginally useful to the children of Israel thousands of years ago, Hadams was adamant that the "Disaster Ministries honor alone could have shaved a good decade off their travel time."