Confirmed: Israelites wandered for 40 years because they didn’t have Pathfinders

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SILVER SPRING, Md. --- In a statement released this morning, the General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church claimed the Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years because they hadn't been introduced to Pathfinder clubs.

"If they had only been taught the essential navigation skills available to all who complete the Orienteering honor, they could have made it to the Promised Land within a fraction of the time," said GC Pathfinders spokesperson Patch Hadams.

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Hadams also claimed that with the help of some Master Guide drill instructors, the Israelites could have been taught proper marching skills that would have enforced more discipline across their ranks.

Although he admitted that the digital photography, and both the basic and advanced computer honors, would have been only marginally useful to the children of Israel thousands of years ago, Hadams was adamant that the "Disaster Ministries honor alone could have shaved a good decade off their travel time."


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4 Comments

  1. Larry

    Having Pathfinders along is a good idea. They could have used their military skills to force Egyptians out of The Promised Land so that the Israelites could enter. Israel couldn’t enter the Promised Land until Egypt left it. Egypt occupied it all the time that Israel was wondering around. It’s really a shame that this detail was left out of the Bible, and ignored by every preacher and religion. Even though it’s a fact of history. But of course the Bible is “more accurate “ then actual history.

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