San Antonio sells out of Kleenex overnight

Good luck finding some...
Good luck finding some…
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Record purchases of Kleenex products by teary-eyed Adventists last night have completely cleaned out greater San Antonio stores of their stock. Starting at about 7:00 PM yesterday, store managers across town noticed a procession of dejected-looking to bawling Adventists streaming into stores, some with General Conference delegate badges clearly showing.

“It was like the Alamodome had just held a mass funeral or something,” said local Walgreens manager, Rhe Grehtable. “It was such a contrast from earlier this week when the Adventists were in here buying up all my Martinelli’s.”

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Grehtable said she wishes she’d had the foresight to order more Kleenex boxes. “We would have made a killing tonight,” she said, adding that after the first dozen or so conference-goers had purchased grieiving supplies, she learned that the reason for the outpouring of grief was a vote that went the wrong way.

“Something about able-bodied women not being recognized despite doing all the work. I couldn’t really tell with all the sniffling but it sounded super 1950s to me,” said Grehtable.


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  1. LOL! The store manager’s name is spot on: “Rhe Grehtable.” Yes, the vote certainly was regrettable. I agree with her, “it sounded super 1950s to me.”

    The line about “able-bodied women not being recognized despite doing all the work” is a classic. Sevvy, your posts this week have been both funny and perceptive. I enjoy your use of satire and parody to get serious messages across. “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.”

  2. Mark Flynn

    It was a sad day when modern, enlightened people made a decision that goes back to caveman status. Next thing you know, men will be grabbing women by the hair, yanking them into a cave, and yelling: “Cook, woman, cook!” Even the Flintstones were more enlightened than that.

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