SILVER SPRING, Md. — Church administrators have completed a massive purchase of hair dye to be delivered by ADRA trucks to Adventist congregations around the world.
All gray-haired members are encouraged to come to their churches for “emergency hair coloring” the minute the supplies arrive.
Outside Sabbath hours, hairy dyeing will take place in church fellowship halls around the clock until there isn’t a gray hair to be seen across the denomination.
“The graying of our churches is alarming,” said blue-haired 73 year-old GC Director of Experimental Expenditure, Gammal Gubbe, adding that it was high time the denomination “got creative” about a solution.
“If we aren’t attracting young people the least we can do is make boomers look less old,” said Gubbe.