Tumbleweed, Tenn. — Members of Gentle Whisper Adventist Church were devastated last Sabbath as their weekly Zoom service was attacked by what head elder, Sal Encio, described as “a malicious actor with an instrument of destruction.”
Just before members settled in for a 90-minute sermon, they were told they would be “blessed with special music.”
Expecting a pre-recorded bell choir performance, the saints were shocked to their cores as what Encio described as a “long-haired lunatic” enthusiastically attacked a drum set for a full four minutes, with a solo titled “joyful noise.”
Local first responders were called to several Adventist homes across town as members, with couch pillows tightly hugged to their chests, hyperventilated, begging for the chaos to end.
Adventist reverence enforcement was also called in. They are currently on the lookout for a worship drummer who looks like he is having way too much fun.
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