Adventists Launch Humility Olympics

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — In a bid to encourage humility among members, the Adventist Church has announced a brand new event on the denominational calendar.

The Humility Olympics will feature only the best in Adventist humble bragging.

Acceptable shows of humility can include strategic comments about how #blessed members are to have [INSERT enviable recent accomplishment or acquisition.]

Humility Olympics contestants are asked to respect social distancing as they compete. Only online claims to superior humility will be considered.

Contestants are urged to plaster social media with comments about how they “don’t deserve” their amazing promotion and raise at work; “have no idea” how their kid is valedictorian or “just love the opportunity” to very publicly take credit for volunteer work.

Medals will be awarded to those who can illicit the most eye-rolls from fellow members.

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