Battle Creek, Mich. — “This service is the best thing since sliced bead,” gushed 79-year-old retired academy teacher Victor Wilson, whose wife passed away from diabetes complications three years ago. “Croaked has given me another lease on life and has allowed me to re-connect with fantastic former college flames whose husbands have kicked the bucket.”
Wilson is just one of thousands of Adventists signing up for email and/or SMS updates from croaked.com. The service boasts same-day updates on freshly widowed Adventists along with publicly available information on their age, location, alma matter and credit score.
“Croaked is the ultimate service for Adventists who want to meet or re-connect with other Adventists who just came back on the marriage market,” said Croaked Sales Director Kenneth Pitcairn as he put the finishing touches on a new advertising campaign titled “Beauty from Ashes.”
“Our thousands of satisfied Adventist customers are highly aware of the fact that there is little time to spare later in life. We work hard to make sure that they are aware of any and every freshly-eligible Adventist that pops up as soon as they are available,” said Pitcairn.
My wife/spouse just read this article and is giving me the evil eye and smirk on her smile. Whassup wit youse guys? Woe is me!!