Berrien Springs, Mich. — Mere weeks after the construction of a “golden” calf statue outside the offices of the Andrews University dairy, the department has received orders to destroy it. The Education Department of the General Conference has ruled that the statue bears “uncomfortable resemblance to Aaron’s idolatrous calf of Exodus 3 and, as such, must be immediately removed and crushed.”
Andrews students pursuing degrees in Agriculture, Animal Science, Horticulture and Intercultural Agricultural Development have protested the GC order. “They aren’t listening at all,” complained Grass and Turf Management major, Taylor Brooks who has led the effort to petition a change of heart from GC administrators. “Any reasonable person person can see that our new dairy statue is simply a celebration of cute baby cows and the beauty of creation. The dairy gets a bad rap for being a smelly, muddy place and we thought that any attempt to beautify the grounds would be a good thing.”
“This is classic GC overkill,” said Theology major Tracy Watters. “It’s not like anyone is worshipping the new statue. And it’s not even golden, everyone can tell it is brass-plated.” Watters stressed that the sin of the Israelites lay in abandoning God and worshipping an idol, not the mere creation of a statue. “There is no difference between the dairy’s baby animal statue and the huge JN Andrews statue in front of Pioneer Memorial Church,” said Watters.
So far, student and faculty protests has done nothing to change the minds of GC leaders. If Andrews wishes to continue to receive General Conference financial subsidies, the dairy has until April 1st to dispense with the statue.
Oh, the sight of a Golden Calf, gives me an irresistible urge to worship it! . . . and dance, and drink, and offer all of my first born children as burnt offerings to Baal!
Technically not a calf given the horns…
That was my thought too..
What will they do with the molten gold I wonder. Pay debts?
Grind it up, mix it with water, and make those evil ag students drink it!
UPDATE – BREAKING NEWS: The dilemma has been solved. The Andrews dairy management met in an emergency session this evening and decided to convert the operations to all-vegan. The dairy farm will be replaced with fields of soy beans, and the former dairy will produce organic soy milk. The brass-plated “golden” calf will be pulverized and added to the soy milk to give it a mysterious brassy flavor. Upon hearing this news, the Education Department rescinded its edict and retracted its threats of withdrawing GC funding. The GC Health Ministries leaders will join the Education Department at the Baskin-Robbins ice cream parlor for a celebration of their victory.
Holy Cow !
Big Duh XD
Looks like the statue really gave the zealots a reason to rally. Perhaps we can proselytize the Hindus who will come to pay their respects once the statue is in place? Lol.
I remember playing in and around that dairy farm as a kid. Those were good times-good memories.
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