Entire Congregation Has Beasts of Revelation Nightmares After Fiery End Times Sermon

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A fiery End Times sermon left an entire congregation grappling with vivid nightmares of apocalyptic proportions this weekend.

Pastor Elijah Hartsfield, known for his calm demeanor and thoughtful homilies, took a surprising turn during his latest sermon series. Entitled “The Beasts,” the sermon promised to delve into the harrowing symbolism of Revelation, complete with ominous PowerPoint slides and a dramatic reading of Revelation 13:1-18.

“We’re living in prophetic times,” Hartsfield declared, his voice booming through the modest sanctuary. “The signs are all around us. The beasts of Revelation are scary for a reason! They warn us of the trajectory of our doomed world and it’s fiery end. Are you ready?”

As the pastor spoke, vivid depictions of the seven-headed beast rising from the sea and the lamb-like beast speaking like a dragon flashed on the screen. The imagery, combined with Hartsfield’s passionate delivery, was enough to send shivers down even the most stoic spines.

Congregants, accustomed to the more comforting messages, found themselves unprepared for the onslaught of apocalyptic imagery. By the time the service concluded, the atmosphere in the church was palpably tense. Elderly Mrs. Thompson, known for her sturdy faith and homemade potluck pies, clutched her Bible so tightly that the pages crumpled.

“I haven’t had nightmares like this since I read ‘The Great Controversy’ in one sitting,” confessed Thompson Sunday morning. “That seven-headed beast chased me through my dreams all night. I had to recite the 23rd Psalm just to get some sleep.”

Meanwhile, deacon and part-time baker James Witherspoon reported waking up in a cold sweat, convinced he had seen the mark of the beast on his hand. “Turns out it was just flour,” he admitted sheepishly, though the fear was real enough to prompt him to double-check his pantry for any suspiciously dragon-like ingredients.

Parents of young children were particularly vocal, as bedtime routines transformed into battlegrounds against visions of fiery lakes and celestial showdowns. One mother, who wished to remain anonymous to protect her son’s fragile ego, described her seven-year-old’s newfound reluctance to sleep alone. “He keeps asking if our cat Mittens is a sign of the end times because she has ‘too many toes,'” she sighed. “Thanks a lot, Pastor Hartsfield.”

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