Entire Congregation Has Beasts of Revelation Nightmares After Fiery End Times Sermon

A fiery End Times sermon left an entire congregation grappling with vivid nightmares of apocalyptic proportions this weekend. Pastor Elijah Hartsfield, known for his calm demeanor and thoughtful Read more […]

Smithsonian code breakers completely stumped by Adventist prophetic chart

WASHINGTON, D.C. — World-renowned cryptographers based at the Smithsonian Institution have admitted utter and complete defeat in deciphering an early Adventist prophetic chart. The code breakers Read more […]

Southern to host Beasts of Revelation-themed Halloween Party

COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — Citing a need to sanitize a downright pagan holiday, Southern Adventist University administrators have announced a Beasts of Revelation-themed Halloween Party. Officially Read more […]

Revelation beast illustrations are not scary enough, says General Conference

SILVER SPRING, Md. — Illustrators at the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists have reportedly been taking a lot of heat over complaints that the renderings of the beasts of Revelation Read more […]