John Wick 5 to Feature Newly-Adventist, Non-violent Keanu Reeves Subduing Victims With Knots


In an unexpected plot twist for the upcoming John Wick 5, Keanu Reeves’ character, the former hitman John Wick, has converted to Adventism and renounced violence altogether. Instead, Wick has become a devout Pathfinder and now subdues his targets with intricate knots and rope-tying techniques.

The revelation came after Reeves reportedly spent time studying the teachings of the Adventist Church while preparing for the role, and found the peaceful, non-violent approach to be in line with his own beliefs.

In the film, Wick will be seen attending Pathfinder meetings every Saturday, leading camping trips, and sharing his love of knot-tying with other characters in between intense games of capture the flag.

Fans of the John Wick series have expressed confusion and disappointment at the news, with many wondering how Wick will continue to be a compelling character without his signature violence.

The director of John Wick 5, Chad Stahelski, has defended the decision, stating that the film will still feature plenty of action, but with a new focus on creative and non-lethal methods of subduing opponents.

“We’re exploring a new side of John Wick that we’ve never seen before,” Stahelski said in a recent interview. “He’s still a force to be reckoned with, but now he’s using his skills in a different way. It’s a fresh take on the character that we think fans will really enjoy.”

The Adventist Church has also weighed in on the news, expressing excitement about the potential for the film to showcase their beliefs about non-violence and creative problem-solving.

“We’re thrilled to see Keanu Reeves using his talents for good in his latest film,” the spokesperson said. “We hope that viewers will be inspired by John Wick’s new approach to conflict resolution and will consider joining the Pathfinder Club themselves.”

John Wick 5 is set to hit theaters next year, and the White Estate has given Adventists everywhere special permission to go see it, in full Pathfinder gala uniform.


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