Karate Training Required For Jokester Adventist Pastors in Danger of Getting Will Smithed

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BERRIEN SPRINGS, Md. — Adventist pastors prone to risqué jokes have been sent back to seminary for emergency continuing dedication.

“Will Smith’s Oscars slap attack on Chris Rock made it painfully clear our pastors need some basic self-defense skills,” said Andrews University Director of Beltless Karate, Kish Roundhouse.

He added that the increasing polarization of members’ views meant pastors should be ready for when a headstrong deacon might decide to “get physical” mid-sermon. 

“Gone are the days when people just walked out of sermons they didn’t like,” said Roundhouse, “we’ve got to be ready for the hotheads that decide they will give the pastor a chance to turn the other cheek.”

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