Literalist Adventist clad in full armor of God not wearing pants

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Backyard practice before getting fully dressed.
BERRIEN SPRINGS, Mich. — A devout yet slightly odd third generation Adventist walked the streets of Berrien Springs this morning wearing elaborate, highly authentic-looking upper body armor and nothing but Kirkland-brand boxers.

Braving the freezing Michigan weather for several hours, Ojo Plukhur marched purposefully around town, proud of the stares from incredulous passersby.

Scoffing at the “liberal lightweights explaining away plain biblical truths,” Plukhur straightened his plain white boxers as he waited to cross the street.

Despite the body heat generated from carrying the considerable weight of his shield, helmet, breastplate, belt, sword and sturdy sandals, the winter cold had almost persuaded Plukhur to head back indoors when he was stopped mid-stride by local police asking if he had a permit for his sword.

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