Nebuchadnezzar Statue Next In Line For Toppling

ROME, Italy — The Statue Preservation Association released a statement today announcing an imminent threat to another statue.

“This time the statue slated for toppling doesn’t depict a racist old white guy but an ancient ruler from Babylon with famously troubling dreams,” said the association.

The ancient statue is the most expensive image headed for destruction to date.

Its head – made entirely of pure gold – is reportedly worth the most while the statue’s materials get cheaper the closer you get to its toes.

The association says the digits are “basically a messy tangle of mud and clay somehow associated with a region of great pasta down south, Santa Claus up north and a rebellious, rainy island that doesn’t want to play ball.”

The statue will not be destroyed by protesters.

“Something meteor-like will take this statue out,” said the association, adding they didn’t know any more since the Adventist prophecy preacher they’d been watching had ended his sermon on a cliffhanger, urging everyone to tune in tomorrow for more.


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