ANGWIN, Calif. — BREAKING NEWS: In response to safety concerns after the August 24 earthquake (measuring 6.0 on the Richter scale) that shook the Napa area, Pacific Union College is offering students a money-back guarantee on what administration vows will be a “quake free year”.
“There is absolutely no reason to rethink your plans to attend PUC this fall,” said VP for Enrollment, Mark Kim. “We are so confident in the safety of our campus that we will refund every tuition dollar if you so much as feel your dorm room bed shake this school year.”
Kim stressed that the college is still accepting new students that want to take advantage of this year’s special offer. “Any student that enrolls between now and when classes start on September 22 will not only be entitled to our Quake Free Guarantee but will also receive a PUC-branded hard hat.”