SILVER SPRING, Md. — “This morning gratuitous pictures surfaced online of vegan Health Ministries Department employees consuming unconscionable quantities of dessert at the Baltimore Cheesecake Factory,” said a General Conference press release.
The photo leak has caused the biggest scandal to hit the General Conference Health Ministries Department in recent history. “Ordinarily the dessert binge would not be an issue but if you work for a department that rails against the dangers of sugar, dairy and cholesterol you don’t want pictures of yourself devouring thick-cut Death by Chocolate slices,” said Temperance Department Director, Carl Davis.
“We were just going to go for a celebratory salad after a long day at work,” explained Ryan Chase, a full-time Health Ministries nutritionist who was pictured with the group. “Somehow the cheesecake bar got the better of us. It started with just a sliver of a sampler slice to share and before we knew it we were surrounded by dessert.”
The employees face the possibility of disciplinary action but general consensus is that their professed official diet is punishment enough.
I like their leadership. All this “Don’t indulge your appitite stuff must be faux advice. Since they do it, so can I by following their example.(Burp)
This article is so stupid. Is there anyone who has not had a cheesecake? Why don’t you write about uplifting stuff?
Uh, maybe because this is a satire site?
I wonder what a haystack cheesecake tastes like…
Love it, kaj. Has just the right balance of fat, salt, and sugar.
Would you believe me if I told you I have seen many high profile SDA leaders in Starbucks, Chili’s,
Sweet Tomatoes, Golden Corral, Sonic, Dollywood, A&W Root Beer stands, Fuddruckers, GC cafeteria, Peter Pan restaurant near Frederick, Md., Gifford’s Ice Cream, Fooey Looie’s Chinese take out. The cheesecakes in Baltimore are made from tofu, soy fiber products, non GMO, no gluten and all that other so called healthy stuff. Woe is me!!
Gluten gets a bad rap. Its only benefit is for people with Cilliac Disease. For the rest of, it doesn’t matter.
I was with that group but I chose the carob, no flour, no bake, cashew-cheese option.