Pastors Forbidden From Driving “Politically Polarizing” Priuses or Pickups During Election Season

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The North American Division has instructed all Adventist pastors in the United States to stop driving “politically polarizing” Toyota Prius cars or pickups during election season to avoid being associated with political parties.

The eco-friendly Prius has become associated with a specific political leaning, deemed a potential turn-off for a congregation with conservative viewpoints. The rugged individuality of the pickup, however, leans towards the opposite end of the spectrum, presenting a similar image concern.

“We can’t have our pastors pulling up to church in their trusty Priuses, only to be met with suspicious glances from congregants who mistake them for undercover environmental activists – we aren’t Green Peace,” read the particularly candid memo. “On the flip side, rolling up in a pickup truck is akin to flying a “Don’t Tread on Me” flag, with assumptions about your political leanings coming faster than a revved-up engine. AVOID BOTH.”

So, what’s a pastor to do? Revert to horse-drawn carriages? Not quite. The memo emphasizes the importance of maintaining neutrality on the political front, focusing instead on the unifying message of faith.

Pastors, as spiritual community figures, should strive to be a blank canvas, allowing their congregations to connect on a spiritual level without the distraction of political assumptions, says the memo.

In related news, #AdventistPastorsOnBikes is trending, with photoshopped images of Adventist clergy pedaling furiously to minister to their flock.



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