PhD Now Required for Baptism

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SILVER SPRING, Md. — The Biblical Research Institute has announced that all future Adventists baptisms will require successful candidates to earn a PhD in biblical studies, Adventist history or, at the very least, potluck management.

“For too long now, we have simply asked people wanting to get baptized to sit through weeks of Bible study and then be publicly interrogated before they can get baptized,” said Chief BRI Boffin, Kierro Dormeer.

“That is simply not going to cut it anymore,” he said.

Dormeer added that PhDs would only be considered sufficient for baptism if they came from an accredited, Adventist institution that wasn’t La Sierra.

 

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