“We don’t even need a vote to greenlight this one,” said newly-elected GC Director of Status Quo Maintenance, Stan Stihl. “We are absolutely certain that Adventist power brokers around the world will gladly give their blessing to the practice of the ordination of women as housewives.”
Expressing full confidence that the egos of aging male leaders would remain fully intact should this “reasonable form of ordination” be introduced, Stihl expressed hope that the practice would satisfy “the equality agitators.”
Stihl stressed that unlike uppity attempts to ordain women for the ministry, giving women the full responsibilities of being housewives “has a convincing, international and historical precedent” and would therefore cause far less friction between brethren if introduced as formal policy worldwide.
“Ordaining Adventist women as housewives will simply keep a good thing going,” said Stihl. “Whether or not they work outside the household, Adventist women are excellent housekeepers. Ordination will just give the whole arrangement some gravitas so things don’t change.”
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