Report: COVID-19 Vaccine Ready As Soon As It Can Be Stamped By Mark Of Beast

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WASHINGTON D.C. —- Assuring Americans a COVID-19 vaccine would soon be ready, Astral Zenith labs said the vials just needed one final ingredient before going on to save lives:

“We want to congratulate the conspiracy theorists of the world as, for once, their claims are right on target, said senior lab scientist, Eyov Praveedenz.

“All these medications need before we can fight back against COVID, is clear Mark of the Beast branding,” said Praveedenz.

He went on to add that the enlightened ones that had so wisely theorized about why not to take the life-saving medication should also take comfort in the reality that chemtrails, their personal sighting of still-alive Elvis a year ago and the UFO invasion of their backyard last night, are all proven facts.



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One comment

  1. Richard Mills

    Our local church has been designated by the Conference to be the first SDA church to recieve this vaccine. The procedure will take place next Sabbath after the service is over. Nurses from the church will give you the shot, painlessly. After the shots are done, you reform the line for the Covid19 potluck- 6′ apart. Even the food on the plate will be 6′ apart. Covid19 police will be in attendance to make sure all goes as planned. What’s going on at your church?

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