Tesla Update Prevents Adventists from Driving To Restaurants On Sabbath

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PALO ALTO, Calif. — In its latest software update, Tesla has included an “Adventist” feature that cross references Adventist membership records with customer lists. Wherever there is a match, the software prohibits drivers from entering restaurant parking lots or even heading for drive-thrus on Sabbath.

If a driver tries to override the software, the Tesla will begin to play “Don’t Forget The Sabbath” on full blast.

Camera technology on the vehicle will also track drivers that park a Tesla near restaurants and make the rest of the Sabbath journey on foot. The infraction will be documented and submitted for inclusion in next week’s church bulletin.


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  1. Joe

    On the Tesla SDA app – In 1962, while I was at Union College, there were ‘teams’ of couples (I think they went down there just to make out) that would go park across the street from downtown movie theaters & take down names of students attending movies – don’t know if this were for a Sabbath thing OR just movies in general – and report you to the appropriate Dean –

    Interesting to see that the general ‘effect’ of EGW has Not diminished in any way in these modern times – I figured it would have – –

  2. Larry

    Same time period at PUC. On Friday nights someone on the facility would park across the street from the little movie theater in St Helena. They only caught the dumb ones. The rest of us went to Napa or farther to see a movie.

  3. Richard Mills

    Back in the good old days at AUC, the faculty had a plan to catch you off campus doing such bad stuff. Selected staff would be in place in Worcester, Leominster, Fitchburg and other near-by towns. Me, I’m a Boston boy. Nobody ever saw me going into Boston. I knows my way around town!
    PS-I’m still here. The others are long gone. Must be a lesson somewhere!!

    1. Joe

      I have Never been ‘proven’ Warped & if I ever am, I’m blaming the SDAs -i must say, I find these Sevvy exchanges & EGW concepts re-opened, more psychologically healing than any therapist – Thanx

  4. Richard Mills

    Hey, TESLA-come up with an app on those terrible pot lucks that are all the rage in SDA Churches. Or maybe an app that might locate a decent, edible, tasty, delicious, all around pot luck! Like Golden Corral or Sweet Tomatoes-minus the unhealthy meat of course and the over sugary desserts. Find that potluck for me ASAP!

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