US Army Stocks Up On Deadly Mustard

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PENTAGON — In an effort to modernize its arsenal, the US Military has placed a gargantuan order of deadly mustard.

“I guarantee our enemies have never thought of this simple but lethal solution to national defense,” said military analyst, Ed Heinz. 

“America is safer as a result of the decision we make today,” said Heinz, praising the move to order enough crates of the devastating condiment to fully flavor weaponized hotdogs for years to come.

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