SPLISHY, Ga. – Ever the conscientious church member, local Adventist Kanon Kula returned to his newly-reopened water park determined to have nothing but righteous fun.
Despite clearly posted signs instructing swimmers NEVER to go headfirst on slides, Kula refused to do any backsliding whatsoever. Instead he waited until lifeguards weren’t looking and then threw himself down slides as fast as he could headfirst.
Kula’s deliberate flouting of the rules went undetected for a full 15 minutes before he was marched off the water park grounds by the manager. He took every step of the way as a proud martyr.