Church Board member miraculously transforms molehills into towering mountains

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WATFORD, England — Stanborough Seventh-day Adventist Church Board member, Max Forvirring, has spent the last year or so, stunning his fellow church members with his truly miraculous ability to consistently turn seemingly insignificant molehills into staggeringly imposing mountains.

Amazed fellow church board members have testified to Forvirring’s incredible capacity to take just about any molehill of an issue on a meeting agenda and blow it up into a catastrophe that even a GC Session with a fully-functioning electronic voting system would struggle to contain.

At last weekend’s church board meeting, members said that Forvirring seemed to burn with radioactively righteous zeal as he blasted everything from the latest Pathfinder investiture to the state of the sanctuary’s carpeting. The meeting finally ended when an ambulance crew had to remove several church board members complaining of bleeding ears after 144 minutes of a Forvirring diatribe about slipping visiting preacher PowerPoint standards.

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