GC No Longer Asking Biden For Babylon Evacuation Assistance

SILVER SPRING, Md. — After an all-day emergency meeting of the GC Executive Committee, members voted overwhelmingly to withdraw an evacuation request recently filed with the Biden administration.

Soon after Biden’s inauguration, literalists in church leadership had asked the new White House administration for a “an evacuation guarantee from Babylon when the time is right.”

The request garnered confused responses from White House staffers who filed the request in a new pile of low-priority To-Dos.

The about-face from the Adventist headquarters comes after the disastrous evacuation of allied forces and partners from Afghanistan. 

“A Master Guide with a discount compass could probably get us out of Babylon more efficiently than the Biden administration,” read an internal memo that proved the clincher in the decision to withdraw the evacuation request.


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