Loma Linda No Longer Blue Zone After Retired Church Administrators Move In, Ruin Life Expectancy

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LOMA LINDA, Calif. — Long the jewel in the Adventist lifestyle crown, Loma Linda has suffered a dramatic fall from grace due to the torrential influx of retired church administrators moving to the community for their golden years.

Until recently, Loma Linda was America’s only “Blue Zone” — a part of the world where people routinely live about a decade longer than average.

“These church administrators keep dropping like flies as soon as they move in,” complained proud, lifelong resident Edith Greenley, herself a centenarian. “Not only does this make it almost impossible to find someone recently-widowed to date but all this early expiration is really bringing down the side in terms of life expectancy.”

In hopes of restoring their status as a Blue Zone, Loma Linda authorities have used public funds to advertise Berrien Springs in denominational magazines as “a near-tropical place in the sun perfect for retiring church administrators.”


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